Subconscious
by j3nnee
Summary: Peter finds Neal unconscious and fully dressed in the shower at June's. Some season spoilers, whumpage, references to suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**Subconscious  
============**

Peter yawned as he parked the car and switched the engine off. He'd had a cold for the past few days so he didn't feel all that great with a runny nose and stuffed head. He could barely hear half the time he was so congested but he just soldiered on as best he could. He opened the door and stepped out into the street closing the door and pressing against the vehicle as someone shot by narrowly missing hitting him. Peter grumbled to himself as he locked the car and started around towards a large manor looking building across the street. He made it across the street and knocked on the front door which was glass with a scroll metal design on the outside. It was very 1930s New York, something from another era. He waited, seeing a figure in a maid's uniform approach the door and let him in. Peter nodded to the housekeeper and she locked up as he wandered into the huge foyer and looked around.

No matter how many times Peter entered June's home, he couldn't help but be fascinated by the largeness of it. Even the hearth was big enough to spit a cow on if someone were in the mood for that kind of medieval act. He turned as the housekeeper touched his arm. He hadn't heard her speaking to him due to his cold.

"June is already gone for the day but is up on the terrace." Peter nodded, reading her lips more than he heard what she said. He stuck a finger in his ear, shaking it slightly as he tried to clear some space to hear but to no avail. He made it to the top of the stairs still unable to hear much of anything, stopping before a light blue wooden door. He knocked once and waited. Peter was surprised when Neal didn't answer. He knocked again, turning the knob and finding the door open. He knocked once again and peered inside cautiously.

"Neal? Hello?" He looked around but didn't see his friend and partner anywhere. Peter pushed the door open slowly, peering around but not seeing Neal. The room appeared empty but something else was wrong. The bed didn't look slept in. Peter called out again wondering if the young man could be in the bathroom.

"Neal? It's Peter... Hello?" He approached the bathroom door and knocked. It was quiet but he thought he could hear running water in the background. Peter tried the door but it was locked. He knocked again.

"Neal? Hello?" The sound of something crashing to the ground made Peter jump and push at the door. He didn't want to ruin June's door so he pulled out his lock picking kit and worked on the door till it opened. He turned the knob and pushed the door open. A cloud of steam escaped into the room.

The bathroom was small but roomy enough to hold a large marble counter with a sink and mirror, toilet and walk-in shower. The sink was running, hot water pouring from the faucet. He turned it off. Slowly the mist cleared so that Peter could see that the shower door was steamed over. He walked towards it when he jumped. He saw a hand from the inside press up against the frosted glass and streak down with pinkish red down the bottom half. Peter immediately pulled the shower door open and saw Neal fully dressed laying there on the tiled floor. There was a small pinkish red puddle around his head where he lay. Peter turned the young man over and saw a gash where he had hit his head on something maybe the faucet and was bleeding. Otherwise the young man looked well as Peter pulled his friend from the shower. He did note one odd thing before he left with Neal, there was a small bath stool flipped over inside the shower and a thick scarf slightly shredded around the young man's neck.

Peter pulled Neal out into the main apartment and untied the scarf from around the young man's neck with some effort. It had been tightly wound in a noose-like manner. He noticed blotchy bruises where the scarf had cut into the young man's neck and he started to remember the stool trying to put two and two together. Neal coughed after a moment, his face slowly regaining some color as he started to wake up. Peter pulled a cushion from the sofa and pushed it under the young man's head before standing up and walking over to the small kitchenette. He looked around till he found a box of bandages he remembered seeing before, along with a clean washcloth. He dampened the cloth and went back to Neal, dabbing at the wound gently before applying a bandage. Neal winced a bit, Peter apologizing softly as he finished putting the bandage on the gash. It was slowly swelling up to a nice bump. The agent winced looking at it.

"uuuuuhnnn..." Neal groaned audibly, eyes fluttering open and looking up. He squinted till he finally seemed to be aware of things. Peter smiled down at him.

"Hey." Peter gently pushed the young man back down to the floor as Neal attempted to sit up. He looked around the room and then at himself, hand reaching up to touch the bump / gash on his forehead. Neal winced again.

"What happened? I don't... Why am I soaked?" He kept trying to sit so Peter helped him up slowly and leaned him against the sofa, cushions behind him for support. Neal groaned but managed to sit up more or less on his own. He peered around the room still looking confused.

"I found you in the shower fully dressed but unconscious. You got a nasty bump." Peter stood and walked over to the bathroom rummaging in the drawer till he found a bottle of aspirin. He filled a paper cup from a dispenser there with water and came back handing the cup to his friend. Neal blinked, eyes slightly dilated looking and roaming around their sockets loosely. He seemed disoriented.

"Take these. Should help with the pain." Peter put two pills into the young man's hand and helped him take them and drink the water. Neal asked for more water, Peter getting up and refilling the cup till his friend was satisfied. Neal slumped back against the sofa, eyes still loosely rolling around in their sockets. His pupils were a bit too large for Peter's liking so he pulled the young man up to the sofa and then up to his feet.

"Peter? I don't remember anything..." Neal's voice sounded far away and distant, sleepy almost. He started to close his eyes but Peter slapped at his face gently.

"Stay awake. I think you have a concussion. I'm going to take you to the ER. Stay with me Neal, ok?" The young man nodded at Peter's words although vaguely. Peter helped him down the stairs and out the door to the Taurus outside. Peter sat Neal in front seat, strapping him in securely. The young man slumped against the door once it closed as Peter hurriedly entered on the driver's side and nudged his friend as he strapped himself in. Neal's eyes rolled towards him although his head stayed leaning on the door.

"Stay awake for me, Neal. Please?" He saw his friend blink at him dully in response as he started the car, pulling out quickly into traffic at the first opportunity. He managed to make it to the hospital in record time despite everything but it probably helped he had his light with him. At the ER he immediately grabbed the nearest person in scrubs and asked for assistance with Neal who appeared to have closed his eyes. Peter shook his friend gently, looking down at him worriedly as he waited for a stretcher. Neal's eyes slowly opened and he smiled almost drunkenly.

"Just resting my eyes. Have to check to make sure there's no cracks in the eye lids." He grinned slightly, lopsidedly, eyes looking less blue and more black by the minute. Peter tried not to panic, smiling back.

"Yeah, always a problem if you see light under your lids but keep them open for now. Someone's coming with a stretcher for you." Peter brushed at the young man's hair, removing it from his face. Neal just blinked again, looking like he was trying to stay awake after a long night of drinking. Neal's hand reached out blindly and touched Peter's shoulder.

"Thank you, Peter." Neal stared at him as directly as he had since Peter found him in the shower. It didn't last long as Neal's eyes rolled back in his skull and he slumped over against the agent. The ER crew showed up then and helped pull the young man out of the vehicle and onto the stretcher, checking pulse and vitals. Neal was alive but he was unconscious. One of the people in scrubs pulled Peter aside and asked him questions.

"What's wrong with your friend, Mr..." Peter looked at the man but his attention was on Neal on the stretcher.

"Burke. I don't know. His name is Neal Caffrey. I found him in the bathroom at his apartment when I went to pick him up for work this morning. He had slipped I guess and hit his head. I bandaged it as best I could. His eyes were dilated so I kept him awake as long as I could. I only found him within the last hour. I don't know how long he may have been there." Peter sounded rather dull as if he wasn't sure how to react. The physician nodded, patting Peter on the arm.

"Has he taken any medicines or other substances lately?" The physician looked directly at Peter who shrugged.

"I had him take two aspirin after he woke up for the pain and swelling but I don't know if he took anything else before that. Is he going to be ok?" He watched Neal wheeled into the ER and out of sight. The Physician led Peter into the waiting area and kept talking to him.

"We'll take good care of him." The physician led Peter to a seat and patted him on the shoulder. The agent nodded, his face still in shock trying to piece it all as he was left alone. He finally pulled his cell phone out after a few minutes and phoned work. He told Hughes he had an emergency and wouldn't be in. Once that was taken care of he called Elizabeth.

"Elizabeth Burke... Peter?" Her voice sounded surprised if nothing else. Peter gulped before he spoke.

"El, I'm at the hospital but before you panic, it's not because I'm hurt." He heard her give a loud intake of air then an almost relieved tone.

"Peter, what's happened? Why are you at the hospital?" She sounded concerned.

"Neal, I found him at June's unconscious in the shower. He had a nasty bump on the head." He heard her give another audible intake of breath and movement. He thought he heard a door shut.

"I'll be right there. I'm so sorry, honey." He nodded at her voice over the cell wishing she was here and glad she was coming to be with him. He didn't think he could say what he had noticed about the scene over the phone.

"I'm in the waiting area of the ER. Hurry."

**()()()**

Elizabeth Burke showed up within 30 minutes and Peter was more than glad to see his wife. She wrapped her arms around him and he nestled into them gladly. He was still waiting to hear about Neal but nobody had heard anything about the young man yet so he could only wait and see. El sat beside him in the waiting room and they clasped hands tightly, Peter leaning his head gently against his wife's shoulder.

"He's going to be ok. He's strong. But... are you sure of what you saw? I mean... well... he just doesn't seem the type to do something like that." Her voice sounded certain as much as he knew that Neal wasn't suicidal, he had seen the evidence. He sighed and sat up straight, brushing at his hair with his free hand.

"I just know that scarf was tied like a noose around his neck and the stool... it was just so oddly placed. I don't know how I heard anything. My ears have been stuffed up but I heard the crash of it against the tile just enough to know he was there. I don't know what could have happened if I hadn't been there." Peter's eyes pleaded with her as he tried to think of everything that could have gone wrong. She hugged him and brushed at his hair gently.

"It's ok, Peter. We'll figure this out." 


	2. Chapter 2

**(Chapter 2)**

A physician came to talk to the Burkes after what seemed the longest wait. Neal was fine other than a slight concussion and the bruising around his neck. Peter could tell that the doctor was curious about that aspect but just shrugged that he didn't know anything about it. Mostly he was afraid to admit what he feared most about the presence of the scarf. The doctor nodded saying that the bruises should heal in a few days and Neal could go home the next day if everything stayed the same. They were free to see him now if they wished to. Peter and Elizabeth looked relieved and thanked the physician as she left. Once they were alone, Elizabeth nudged her husband.

"Peter, why didn't you tell her about the scarf?" She saw Peter stiffen a bit looking down at the floor away from her, expression dark. He shook his head.

"I can't say what was going on. I wasn't there. I only think I saw something and I'm not going to go around accusing Neal of something before I have all the facts." His voice was final on the subject but Elizabeth grasped his chin in her hand and made him look at her.

"Honey, I know he's been ok so far but he lost the person he loves. Something could have set him off. I don't want to think he would but..." She paused trying to think of what to say as if she didn't want to believe it either. Peter blinked at her and frowned at the thought.

"There has to be another explanation, El. I'm not going to believe otherwise till he tells me. It's been a year. Why now?" Peter's voice sounded angry and hurt but not at anyone particular. El nodded, hugging him close as they made their way to Neal's room. They stepped off the elevator and headed down the hallway till they came to the right door. El opened the door and pushed her husband inside as she followed.

Neal was sleeping, still dressed in his same clothes but tucked under a blanket. His dress shoes sat at the foot of the bed. Peter walked up to the sleeping figure and sat down in the chair beside the bed. Neal looked as usual like a little boy when he slept. His expression was peaceful and innocent, nothing like Peter could imagine if the young man was truly depressed enough to take his own life. He pushed the thought away and took the young man's hand in his own and whispered softly.

"I'm sorry, Neal... You know you can always talk to me. Please tell me I'm wrong." Peter leaned forward against the bed side and felt someone hug him from behind. El was leaning over him and wrapped him up in her arms.

"He's going to be ok, Honey. Neal's strong." She kissed him on the cheek, standing up and hugging Neal where he slept, planting a small kiss on his forehead. Peter continued to sit, watching the young man sleeping.

**()()()**

Peter woke up to the sound of running water. He wiped the sleep from his eyes as he opened them to see what was going on. At first he wasn't sure where he was then he remembered: the hospital. He was sleeping on the couch in Neal's room. He looked up to see that he had left the TV on. A very annoying ad that had been constantly on TV and radio lately was playing in the background quietly. Peter found the remote and turned the device off, standing up and stretching. He turned to look at his friend and paused. Neal wasn't in his bed. Peter looked around and saw the partially open door of the in-suite bathroom, steam billowing out like smoke.

He approached the door and saw Neal standing before the small mirror staring at the steamed glass as if in a trance. Peter was about to say something when he saw another thing. Neal was just staring blankly ahead at the mirror, his left wrist up and bared while he held a blade in the other hand poised over it. His right hand shook ever so slightly. Peter gulped, fear washing over him as he spoke quietly.

"Neal... hand me the blade." Peter started to walk slowly towards his friend, Neal never moving, eyes still locked on the mirror. Peter spoke again.

"Neal..." He didn't get to finish as Neal turned and stared at him blankly. Peter noticed the young man's pupils were the smallest he'd ever seen them, pin points lost in a sea of deep blue. Neal just stared blankly at him, hand still poised with the blade. He didn't seem to be aware of what he was doing. Peter took advantage of the moment and took the blade out of the young man's hand and threw it into a nearby wastebasket. Neal didn't react. Peter snapped a finger in front of the young man's face till he saw the pupils start to grow ever so slightly and the young man blinked at him.

"Peter?" Neal looked around himself as if he wasn't aware of where he was. His eyes rolled back and Peter caught him before he could collapse to the ground. He carried his friend back over to the room and lay him on the sofa, pushing a cushion under his head. Neal twitched slightly, face taut as if he were in pain. Peter started to walk away to buzz a nurse when he felt a hand grasp his sleeve. He turned to see Neal staring up at him, pleading.

"Don't go! I don't want to be alone. Please..." Neal's eyes looked desperate, the pupils now looking a bit more normal than they had a few minutes ago. His expression was fearful as if he were being chased. Peter didn't know what to do but he wanted to help his friend so he sat on the edge of the sofa and held the young man's hand. Neal seemed relieved, relaxing ever so slightly.

"Neal, why would you want to do this? I don't understand..." Peter couldn't hold back anymore so he just came out with it. He saw the young man look up at him confused, face flushed.

"I don't know what's going on. I just... they keep talking to me. I can't concentrate. No control." His voice sounded scared if not confused. Peter blinked at him, watching Neal struggling with something he couldn't understand. Was Neal saying he heard "_voices_" in his head? Peter felt a cold chill pass over him. He might need to call a nurse after all. This wasn't normal and Neal was going to need help. He turned as the door to the room opened then. Elizabeth came in with a small bag and two cups of what appeared to be coffee. She paused staring at them both.

"Neal, I'm going to be right back. Ok?" Peter smiled at his friend, squeezing his hand. Neal looked afraid but nodded, swallowing hard as he sat up with a groan and watched Peter walk towards Elizabeth. Peter took his wife into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Peter, what's wrong? Why are we inside here... why is it so steamy?" She was looking at the misted mirror and the damp sheen of water over everything. Peter shook his head.

"El, some thing's wrong with Neal. I... I found him in here trying to..." He didn't know how to say it so he just lifted up the wastepaper basket and pointed. El looked at him curiously peering inside and after a moment her eyes widened, hand going to her mouth. She shook her head at him.

"No... Neal? He's not that kind of person. Did he hurt himself?" She leaned back against the sink, hand still over her mouth in shock. Peter shook his head, a frown on his lips.

"No, I guess I caught him in time but it was strange. He was just staring... staring at himself in the mirror, hand poised to do it but he was hesitating. It was as if he were in a trance or something. And his eyes... El... He says he heard voices!" Peter looked like he wanted to cry, sniffing slightly. El move to put her arms around him and they just stood there a while.

"What was wrong with his eyes, honey? And what voices?" She was brushing his now damp hair from his face when they heard someone cry out. It was Neal. Both of them rushed out of the room to find Neal on the sofa thrashing about. Peter ran over first and tried to hold his friend down, turning to El.

"Call a nurse!" El hesitated as she looked at Neal's face staring blankly ahead, eyes wide in fear as he continued to cry out. His pupils were small like pin points. She gasped slightly but finally reacted and pushed the button by the bed for the nurse. Now she seemed to understand what was going on. Something was definitely wrong with Neal. This was by no means the Neal they knew.

A nurse showed up almost immediately, walking in and approaching Peter and Neal. She saw the young man's reaction and stared at Peter holding him down.

"I don't know what's going on. He just started thrashing and crying out." The nurse nodded picking up the phone in the room and calling for back up. She opened up a nearby shelf and pulled out a small vial of something clear and a syringe, pushing the syringe into the vial and pulling some of the liquid into it.

"Can you hold him down?" The nurse asked Peter and he nodded, El coming over to help as well. They helped to bare his arm and hold Neal down as the nurse pushed the needle in and injected the young man. It took a few minutes afterwards but Neal started to calm down, his movements less frequent, pupils growing to a more normal size. Peter and El just looked at one another as more medical crews walked in and helped carry Neal to a waiting stretcher. The original nurse walked over to Peter and El and looked pointedly at them.

"I don't want to accuse anyone of anything, but there's something you're not telling me about your friend. I need to know everything if we're going to help him. This shouldn't be happening if all he had was a simple knock to the head." El nudged her husband and Peter finally spilled with what he knew.

"I found my friend in the bathroom but it looked like... like... maybe he had tried to hang himself. He's not that kind of person though so I figured maybe it was a mistake. That I was seeing something that wasn't there." The nurse nodded, pulling out a small pad from her pocket and taking notes. Peter looked at her devastated but El pushed him to continue.

"And when I woke up a little while ago, I found him in the bathroom with a... a razor poised over his wrist. He hadn't cut himself but he was staring. Staring at himself in the mirror oddly. When he turned to look at me, his eyes... the pupils were tiny, almost gone." The nurse kept taking notes giving them a slight professional smile.

"Thank you, Mr. Burke. I'll pass this on to the doctor but we have to do some more tests before Mr. Caffrey can leave." Peter nodded with a slight frown, his eyes moving over to the figure of Neal twitching slightly in the stretcher as they took him away. He grasped the nurse's arm before she left.

"Is he going to be ok? This isn't like Neal. He's not like that." The nurse shrugged ever so slightly but kept smiling that professional smile.

"I can't say anything yet but we will run tests. The pupils... that's a good indicator of certain conditions." Peter nodded as did El, following the nurse out of the room. She led them to a small sitting area outside where they took Neal to and told them to page her if they needed anything.

**()()()**

**(more than 24 hours ago...)**

Neal yawned as he enter June's house and walked down the short hall into the huge foyer area. He started towards the stairs when June peered around the corner from the dining room and called to him.

"Neal? You're home late. Long day?" He paused smiling sleepily and nodding. Neal walked over to his landlady and friend and gave her a little hug. She returned it and smiled back.

"Peter's keeping you busy." He nodded, another yawn he tried to stifle but not successfully. She smiled at him and told him to wait. Neal nodded, leaning on the banister. June returned almost immediately, handing him various letters and a package.

"Mail. You got a lot of it today and I never had a chance to drop it off in your room." She patted him on the arm, reaching up to give him a small peck on the cheek. Neal blushed.

"Now go sleep." She pushed him gently towards the stairs, waving at him as he made his way up towards his room. Neal smiled sleepily, peering down at her as she walked back out of sight. She was one of the best things that had ever happened to him next to befriending Peter and El. He may miss Kate but he was far from alone.

Neal opened up his room and closed the door behind him with a quiet kick of his foot. He dropped the mail on the table by the terrace doors and walked over to the bathroom. After a moment he came back out and walked over to the small kitchenette and pulled out a glass from the cabinet and a bottle of wine from the fridge, pouring a bit of the amber liquid into the glass before returning the bottle. He took a sip and walked over to the sofa, his eyes looking at the mail on the table. One of the items in the pile was a small package. Neal walked over, placing the glass on the table as he picked it up and weighed it in his hands. It was light and it appeared to be square and thin. He started to carefully tear the package open pulling something out of the envelope. It was a handmade CD. He looked at the printed title on the case and blinked.

_Kate loves the Classics_

Neal looked at the envelope again but there was no return address and they had printed the label out so he couldn't identify the handwriting. He wanted to go down and ask June if she had seen the person who delivered this but figured she probably didn't and might be asleep already.

He continued to peer at the CD cover before he finally pried it open and looked at the CD in side. It was again pre-printed with some kind of etched design directly on the disc. There was a faint image of Kate superimposed on the cover with the same words: _Kate loves the Classics_. He felt something warm and wet in his eyes, trying not to let those emotions that he had pushed aside overwhelm him. Who could have sent him something like this? He held the disc in his hand walking over to the TV and DVD player. He pushed it into the player and turned the TV on, standing there to wait and see what would come up. He feared the worse as he saw the CD start.

The screen was blank, black screen with the channel indicating "_video_" mode as he heard music come out of the speakers. Music? Neal kept listening realizing this was a song Kate and he used to listen to all the time. He smiled slightly, taking up his glass of wine again and taking a sip. The song ended and another melody he remembered played in the background. Neal closed his eyes and swayed slightly to the music, imagining a time when he and Kate used to dance to this song. The song ended and he opened his eyes and another song began. This was _their_ soundtrack. He made his way to the sofa with the remote and sat down, leaning back, eyes closed and listened. He felt something wet track down his face but he kept listening, a smile curving his lips slightly. He thought he could hear her talking to him. There was a voice in the background speaking to him softly, gently, telling him something as he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**(Chapter 3)**

Neal woke up to the sound of his alarm buzzing. He sat up and realized he had fallen asleep on the sofa. He stared over at the TV and saw it was still on but the CD had stopped. He wiped at his eyes and stood, walking over to the bathroom to wash up. He was going to have to change clothes before Peter came to pick him up today. Neal turned on the shower radio in the bathroom to an oldies channel and heard Tony Bennett singing. He smiled and hummed along, looking in the mirror at himself a moment, sink running hot as he got ready to shave.

"_That was Tony Bennett with "If I ruled the world" here on your only channel for all the classics, WCLS, 90.5 FM._" The station ID was followed by a number of ads. Neal perked up at a particular ad, looking around dully when it came on and leaving the bathroom. He walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out various items till he found a long scarf he normally used on really cold days. He took it with him back into the bathroom, eyes staring blankly. His hands wound the scarf into some kind of knot and the started to wrap it around his neck. He walked into the shower, closing the door. He stood up on the small wooden stool and reached up to the ceiling to a pipe overhead, tossing the loose end of the scarf over it and tying it in place till it was taut. His expression was blank, blue eyes just staring at nothing as if he were sleep walking or something. The radio continued to play in the background quietly as he stood there waiting.

"_Do it... it's easy enough. She's waiting for you._" Neal heard the voice speaking to him quietly, just beyond hearing but he nodded ever so slightly in response. His foot kicked at the stool beneath him and there was a clatter as it finally fell noisily to the tile. He kicked and thrashed as the scarf tightened around his neck but his eyes continued their blank, glassy stare.

"_You're almost there. Can't you see her?_" Neal thrashed a bit harder and there was a ripping, tearing sound as the scarf tore and he fell to the tiled floor with a thud. His head smacked against the faucet on the way down ever so slightly but it stunned him as he hit the ground. He thought he heard another voice in the background talking to him.

"Neal? Hello?" It sounded like Peter but he wasn't sure as the other voices and the radio seemed to drown him out.

"_You were almost there. Next time... she's waiting._" Neal lay there feeling a throbbing in his skull where his head had hit the faucet but it was more than that. Something had possessed him. He felt out of control. Someone touched his shoulder and arm and he was only vaguely aware that he was pulled from the shower and out into the main room. He felt something soft pushed under his head and someone moving around. He felt a little pain from his forehead and winced waking up enough to groan.

"uuuuuhnnn..." Neal groaned audibly, eyes fluttering open and looking up. He squinted till he finally seemed to be aware of things. Peter smiled down at him.

"Hey." Neal attempted to sit up but Peter gently pushed him back. He looked around the room and then at himself, hand reaching up to touch the bump / gash on his forehead. Neal winced again.

"What happened? I don't... Why am I soaked?" He kept trying to sit so Peter helped him up slowly and leaned him against the sofa, cushions behind him for support. Neal groaned but managed to sit up more or less on his own. He peered around the room still looking confused.

"I found you in the shower fully dressed but unconscious. You got a nasty bump." Peter stood and walked over to the bathroom rummaging in the drawer till he found a bottle of aspirin. He filled a paper cup from a dispenser there with water and came back handing the cup to his friend. Neal blinked, eyes slightly dilated looking and roaming around their sockets loosely. He seemed disoriented.

"Take these. Should help with the pain." Peter put two pills into the young man's hand and helped him take them and drink the water. Neal asked for more water, Peter refilling the cup several times for him. Neal slumped back against the sofa, eyes still loosely rolling around in their sockets. He noticed that Peter was looking at him worriedly. Finally he pulled the young man up to the sofa and then up to his feet.

"Peter? I don't remember anything..." Neal's voice sounded far away and distant, sleepy almost. He started to close his eyes but he felt Peter slap at his face gently.

"Stay awake. I think you have a concussion. I'm going to take you to the ER. Stay with me Neal, ok?" The young man nodded at Peter's words although vaguely. Peter helped him down the stairs and out the door to the Taurus outside. Peter sat Neal in the front seat, strapping him in securely. The young man slumped against the door once it closed as Peter hurriedly entered on the driver's side and nudged his friend as he strapped himself in. Neal's eyes rolled towards him although his head stayed leaning on the door. He felt too sleepy, warm and more relaxed than he ever had.

"Stay awake for me, Neal. Please?" Neal blinked at him dully in response as he saw the worried look on Peter's face. Peter started the car, pulling out quickly into traffic at the first opportunity. The voices continued to chant in the background softly now. Neal tried to ignore them as he concentrated on Peter and the sounds of the vehicle and city around him. He had to stay alert. The sound of the siren and the flash of lights seemed to make Neal feel even more out of it. It didn't block out the voices at all but he was too tired to fight them at the moment. Peter was his anchor for now as long as he could stay awake.

After a few minutes, Peter parked the car and exited, talking to someone outside. Neal finally gave into his exhaustion and closed his eyes. He woke up to find Peter shaking him gently. Neal's eyes slowly opened and he smiled almost drunkenly.

"Just resting my eyes. Have to check to make sure there's no cracks in the eye lids." He grinned slightly, lopsidedly, feeling kind of out of it. Peter smiled stiffly back, looking like he might be sick.

"Yeah, always a problem if you see light under your lids but keep them open for now. Someone's coming with a stretcher for you." Peter brushed at the young man's hair, removing it from his face. Neal just blinked again, looking up at his friend and wanting to obey. He could still hear the voices in the background muttering to him and he wanted nothing more then for them to shut up but he was too tired. Neal's hand reached out blindly and touched Peter's shoulder.

"Thank you, Peter." Neal stared at him as directly as he could, maintaining some eye contact. He wanted to say more. He wanted to let Peter know about the voices. He wanted Peter to ask them to leave him alone but consciousness was fleeting. It didn't last long as Neal felt his eyes roll back in his skull and he slumped over against the agent. He was just aware of the voices continuing their assault against him as he fell into blackness.

**()()()**

Peter and El sat outside in the waiting room, hoping to hear something about Neal. El had tried to keep Peter calm but he kept asking the nurses twice an hour if there was any news. They were kind and patient and told him they would let him know. He nodded sadly, sitting down once again. El hugged him and he leaned his head on her shoulder.

"Why is it taking so long to find out what's wrong with him?!" His voice was testy although he wasn't angry, just worried. El just brushed at his hair and caressed his face trying to calm him down. She was worried too. El had flashbacks to Neal's eyes when he was thrashing. Deep blue orbs looking up at her in fear, only a tiny island of black in the center barely larger than a period. Something was terribly wrong with Neal and she only wished they could get some info but the nurses were right. They could only wait and see.

Another hour passed and finally the original nurse came out to speak with the Burkes.

"I'm sorry for taking so long but we had to do some extensive testing. When you mentioned his pupils, Mr. Burke, that made me wonder about a few things. Has Mr. Caffrey ever complained of migraines? Maybe had some periods where he was spacey?" Peter shook his head at her, unsure of where she was going with her questions. She frowned a bit scratching at her chin.

"I had to ask because when we did an MRI on him we found he had quite a bit of activity in his brain. It's very reminiscent of someone who is having a seizure only this is a different kind of seizure. Most people think of thrashing or twitching, facial tics maybe. Some people actually fall into a kind of "_trance_" like state and end up doing things they don't remember. They seem perfectly fine but they have no memory of what they are doing. This can happen after a serious bump to the head or if they had epilepsy, but if it happened before he hit his head, we may have to do additional tests to find out what could be wrong with him." She looked concerned. Peter nodded back trying to take in everything she said.

"So he could be blacking out and not remembering things? I don't think he's taking any kind of medicine that could be causing that. Neal never showed any signs of being ill before this." He turned to El for help but she shrugged helplessly.

"He recently lost someone close to him. It's been a year but it was a very traumatic event. He's been fine though. Nothing out of the ordinary other than the usual depression. I could ask June. She would know if he was taking anything. He doesn't share everything with us." El's voice sounded sad, hugging Peter to her. The nurse nodded with a slight smile.

"Can you have June contact me when you have the information? Here's my card." Peter took it and pushed it into his jacket pocket with a nod. The nurse nodded, leading them down the hallway.

"We've put your friend in a new room on this floor in case we have to do any more testing. He's currently sleeping but you're free to visit with him." She led them to the door and they shook hands before she left them alone again. Peter pushed the door open, his mannerisms wooden and stiff. He looked like a man on death row as he entered the room and glanced across at the sleeping figure.

Neal was sleeping peacefully. His face looked a bit flushed compared to last time but he still looked boyish and youthful as always. Peter walked slowly over to the seat beside the bed and sat down, head leaning against the bed. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the last time he saw his friend. Those eyes, blank and dead looking at him with no more than a tiny dot of black. That wasn't Neal. Neal wasn't there when that was going on. Something had taken him over and if he was hearing voices, then it was evident to Peter something was truly wrong. He just had to figure out what. He sighed and stood up, looking at his wife and hugging her.

"I'm going to June's to let her know what's up and get some clothes for him." El made to protest but he held up a hand and continued.

"Stay here with him, please? Call me if anything changes." His voice was pleading and she nodded reluctantly, taking his place in the chair. She turned before he left and called out.

"Peter, I'm sure they'll figure this out." Peter just nodded briefly without turning and walked out the door without a word.

**()()()**

Peter parked along the curb in front of June's building. If it was anywhere but New York City, June's home would probably be surrounded by lush gardens, topiary, a swimming pool and anything else you could imagine surrounding a mansion. He exited the vehicle and made his way up the walk towards the entrance. He pushed the buzzer and saw June answer the door. She smiled cordially at him.

"Agent Burke, Neal's not home right now. Is he not with you?" June looked a bit confused, opening the door and motioning him inside. Peter tried to smile but he wasn't sure if he was doing it right. June stepped aside as he entered and she closed the door.

"About Neal... He... May I please have a glass of water?" She seemed surprised by his request but nodded, Peter following her to the dining room where she motioned him to sit while she left for the kitchen. She came back a few minutes later with a tall glass of water. He smiled as winningly as he could but felt he wasn't doing a good job as she sat down beside him and watched him drink the water. Peter blushed slightly unsure how to begin.

"June, Neal's in the hospital." He could hear his wife telling him that he was being too much the agent and not enough the friend. He sighed silently to himself seeing June put a hand to her mouth in shock. She grabbed his arm gently, looking directly at him.

"Is he ok? What's happened?" She had paled slightly. Peter tried to think what El would do in this situation and put his hand around hers and smiled softly.

"He's doing better. Elizabeth is with him right now. I came to get some things for him. They aren't sure how long he will be there. He's under observation." He wasn't sure if he should mention the scarf and razor but he noticed June was content with what he told her so far so he didn't pursue it. She leaned back in her chair and looked upset, the way he could remember his mother being worried when he came home with a skinned knee or broken arm.

"What happened? How did he get hurt?" June had her hands clasped tightly in front in her lap, wringing her hands every now and again. Peter put a hand on her arm and tried to comfort her.

"I came to pick him up yesterday when I found him in the bathroom unconscious. He had slipped and hit his head. I took him to the hospital and they're still checking him out to be sure it's just a slight bump or a concussion." June nodded, her expression wrought with concern. She stood up, patting him on the shoulder.

"Anything you need, Peter. Let me know." She wiped at her eyes and Peter stood, offering her a handkerchief.

"I think I'm just going to go upstairs and pack a small bag of clothes and toiletries for him. I should be ok. I'm sorry I had to be the bearer of such bad news." Peter hugged her gently and she shook her head, hugging him back.

"It's not your fault. I guess I was just taken by surprise. I'm glad he's doing better. Can I ride back with you? I'd like to see him if that's ok." Peter wanted to say no only because he had failed to tell her about the suicide attempts but he couldn't refuse June. She had done so much for Neal and for himself so he just nodded and smiled. June hurried down the hallway calling back.

"I just need to grab my purse and coat but please, take your time." She disappeared inside a room and Peter sighed to himself, making his way up the long staircase and up to the blue door on the top floor that led to Neal's room. He opened it and it looked the same as when he had entered before. He saw a half empty glass of wine on the table by the sofa and a pile of mail on the table in front of the terrace doors. Peter went to look at the mail and saw that Neal had received a small packet although it was now empty. He wondered what it could have been. He tried not to snoop, slapping himself on the hand mentally to stop acting like an agent but a part of him felt he had to in order to figure out what had started his friend off on this weird tangent. Even after Kate's death, Neal had never shown any signs of major depression beyond the normal bursts of anger, sullenness and an occasional need to be alone. The young man had been stronger than Peter thought he would have been had it been Elizabeth who had died. He wasn't sure how he would have reacted under similar circumstances.

Peter noticed the DVD player had been left on and the TV was in stand-by mode. On top of the table near the player was a CD case with plain print on the front. It read: _Kate loves the Classics_. Peter popped the case open but it was empty. He noticed the light on the DVD player indicated a disc was in the drive so he hit play on the remote and waited. Instead of a movie he heard music? The song was fairly old but something the kids probably listened to from the 80s. It was a song he knew he and El would have liked so he let it play as he continued to walk around the room looking for clues. He tried his best to view the situation as a friend more so than an agent. He walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out a small overnight bag and started to put in what he knew Neal normally liked to wear: his maroon and lavender silk pajamas, a comfy pair of sleeping pants, some tees and various other pieces he knew the young man liked. Then he went into the bathroom and found a travel bag to put the toiletries in. He opened up drawers and pulled out a few shavers, after shave and other items he knew Neal was prone to use. The last place he looked was the medicine cabinet behind the mirror. Nothing interesting there other than the usual over the counter meds. Not even a prescription bottle with Neal's name on it but he knew his friend was not a fan of hospitals.

Once he was done, Peter walked back out into the room and placed everything down on the floor by the door. He looked around trying to think what else if anything he might be forgetting. The CD was still playing music, mostly quiet songs people listen to when they want to feel romantic. The music was actually pretty soothing when Peter came to think about it. He walked over to the terrace doors and opened them up, walking out onto the Spanish tile and across to the edge. Peter looked out at the view of the city, a certain envious feeling coming over him. He remembered that second day he came to pick up the con and had found him here at this mansion. Peter wasn't sure what possessed him but he found himself standing up on the top of the stone wall between the statues, looking down at the street below. He could see his car down there and people walking around. It would be so easy to just jump from here and land right on his car he thought. Peter started to feel his foot take a step out into the air when he came back to himself and grasped onto the statue to his right tightly.

Peter climbed down from the wall carefully and slowly, trying to send his heart back down into his chest where it belonged. His pulse was racing and he felt a certain strange feeling as if someone had been talking to him. He didn't know who but he just knew that someone had spoken to him as he stood up on the wall. He sat down on one of the chairs around the small wrought iron table June had on the terrace and waited for his heart to stop beating so fast. What had possessed him to stand up on the wall like that? He couldn't even remember getting up there but somehow he had and it scared him to think what would have happened if he had slipped.

"Peter?" June peered into the room from the doorway and glanced curiously at the agent. Peter stood and walked back into the room, closing the terrace doors behind him. He picked up the duffel bag and placed the travel case with Neal's toiletries inside. June continued to look at him curiously but he just smiled.

"Sorry, had to stop and think about things for a moment." He shrugged helplessly. June nodded, taking his arm in hers as they exited the room.

"I know exactly how you feel. Shall we?" She started to lead him out when he stopped and excused himself a moment. He put the bag down in the hallway and went back inside. He picked up the remote and pushed "eject" extracting the disc from the drive. He pushed it back into the case he had found and pushed it into his jacket pocket, turning off the DVD player and TV as he left, closing the door behind him.

"I'm ready now."


	4. Chapter 4

**(Chapter 4)**

Peter was a bit nervous driving and maybe June noticed or maybe she didn't. He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder as he drove them to the hospital. He hadn't noticed till then how stiffly he sat or how white knuckled he was holding the steering wheel. It was all he could do to not ram the car into a passing truck, lamp post or other item. Something was wrong but he wasn't sure how to explain it even to himself so he just smiled at her and tried to relax.

They managed to make it to the hospital in one piece, parking in the visitors area. June had taken the bag with her as Peter came around to help but she insisted. He nodded and took her arm as they walked inside through the lobby and up to Neal's room. When they entered, El was still sitting on the chair but she had slumped forward slightly against the side of the bed as if asleep. Peter gently touched her shoulder and she started but he just hugged her and helped her up and lead her to the sofa to rest. June took their place at the chair, putting the bag beside her and taking Neal's hand in hers and speaking softly.

"Neal, it's June. Peter and I brought you some of your clothes and toiletries. Just get better soon, ok? I want to see that charming smile of yours in my house soon." She stood, bending down to kiss him on the forehead. His face moved slightly but otherwise he didn't move. June looked worried at her tenant and back at the Burkes. Peter walked over after he settled El on the sofa under a blanket and whispered.

"They have him sedated for now. He was having seizures from the hit to his head so they needed to keep him from hurting himself. That's mainly why they are keeping him for more tests." He took the young man's hand in his own and squeezed it gently before he made his way towards the door.

"June, if you don't mind, can you please tell El I'll be back soon? I need to stop by the office since I haven't been in and take care of something quickly before I come back. Will you be ok?" He felt bad about leaving but she just waved at him with a smile.

"I'll be ok and I will let her know." She patted him on the arm and he smiled, hugging her gently before he left the room.

**()()()**

When Peter reached the car and got inside, he had to sit a moment. Something was wrong but he wasn't sure what. He felt that urge again from earlier as he buckled his belt and pushed the key into the ignition. Something made him want to just ram his car into the nearest vehicle, the faster moving the better he thought. No, that wasn't right! He shook his head and slapped himself to snap out of it. Short of talking aloud to himself he just mentally pushed back at the urges. They were quietly speaking in the background of his mind, chatter like you hear if you had several radios on at once and it all just merged into static. He bit at his lip and tongue to push back the sound and that seemed to help if only a little. He turned on the radio to the sports channel to take his mind off of it. The Mets were playing the Orioles.

Peter couldn't remember what happened but he found himself parked near the wharves not too far from the Brooklyn Bridge, his car pointed towards the water and very close to the edge. He blinked and looked around trying to figure out how he got here. He glanced down at the clock and found about 30 minutes had passed without him realizing it. He could have been at the office by now. The radio was still playing the game but he turned it off, putting the car into reverse. He got back into the city and parked in the FBI lot.

Peter felt a headache coming on, the effort of fighting whatever this was making him weary. It could just be nerves from worrying about Neal but why would it make him feel suicidal? Much less why would he feel like climbing up onto the wall of June's terrace and jump off? He wasn't a thrill seeker; just ask anyone who knew him. He just walked to the elevators and headed up to his floor. When the doors opened it was all he could not do to pull out his gun and run in screaming. He stopped and looked inside the lobby through the glass partition a part of him instructing him how easy it would be to just walk in and shoot any one of his co-workers. Nobody would ever suspect it. He blanched at the thought, sweat forming on his brow as he pushed the thoughts away till they just murmured quietly. He entered the lobby.

Peter saw Jones turn and smile at him with a little wave. Peter waved back, a thought in his mind saying: _He's an easy target_. He stiffened and walked quickly past the lobby and up the short set of stairs to his office and closed the door. For once he shut the blinds and locked the door trying to get his mind to move away from where it current was and back to a more normal train of thought. He immediately pulled his gun from his holster, made sure the safety was on and locked it in a drawer. He heard a knock at his door and jumped.

"Boss, you ok?" It was Jones. Peter let out a sigh of relief, walking over to the door and unlocking it. His subordinate walked in and looked at him curiously. Peter wanted to tell him what was up but he wasn't sure yet so he just pushed the key into Jones' hand and said:

"Take this. Don't give it to me no matter how much I beg or ask." Peter saw Jones looked at him curious as he nodded. The agent glanced at the key and pushed it into his pocket taking a seat across from Peter.

"Mind if I ask what's going on? I heard Caffrey's in the hospital and now you're acting kind of oddly. Something going on?" Jones looked like he was truly concerned, his hand reaching over and touching Peter's arm. He looked up and pulled the CD out of his jacket pocket and handed it to the agent. Jones gave it a strange look, flipping it over and reading the title.

"_Kate loves the Classics_. Is that the same Kate Neal was looking for?" Peter nodded but he just pointed at the CD and closed his eyes as if he had a headache, which he kind of did as he fought the voices in the background.

"Have this analyzed. Something tells me it holds the key to what's ailing Neal at the moment. Please?" His voice sounded rather forced and he felt Jones touch his shoulder, the agent behind him now.

"Peter, you don't look so good. What's wrong?" Jones looked ready to call Hughes in but Peter didn't want to involve anyone else till he knew for sure what was going on. He shook his head, gritting his teeth. He really wanted that key all of a sudden but he wasn't going to beat Jones up for it. He resisted the urge just speaking through clenched teeth as quickly as he could.

"Have it analyzed. Please? I need to go. I can't be here." Peter stood up and pushed past Jones as he exited the office quickly, trotted down the stairs and disappeared through the glass doors. He was going to push the elevator button to go down but he just went straight to the stairs and started down as quickly as he could.

_"You had the opportunity and just passed it by. Wuss!"_

He grumbled at the voices in his head aloud then stopped as he made it to the lobby and made his way quickly outside. He couldn't take his car. It was too dangerous if what he thought was correct. He just hailed a cab and told him to go to the hospital. The cabbie nodded, taking off. The radio was on of course. Peter tried to sit back and relax but something happened and he found himself standing on the curb a few blocks from the hospital. The cab driver was yelling at him about something and taking off. Peter was confused. He couldn't remember... What did he do that pissed off the cab driver? He looked down at his right hand and saw his fist was slightly bruised as if he had hit it against something and scraped it.

He started to walk down the street, trying to recall what had happened. He had lost time. He looked at his watch and realized more time had passed than he would have thought. Peter wracked at his memories trying to think what he had done to end up where he was. It was important. He knew it might help him understand what was going on with Neal. Suddenly he felt a buzz in his jacket pocket and pulled out his cell. It was Jones.

"Hey boss, you were right about that CD. It wasn't just music that was on it." Peter blinked at the agent's voice and nodded absently as he continued to walk down the street.

"Fill me in, Jones. What was on it?" He heard Jones start to explain that forensics played the CD through a special program and found another hidden layer of sound and vocals underneath the main layer of music. Peter stopped walking, sitting on a nearby bench and continued the conversation.

"_Subliminal_ messages? What kind of messages?" He listened as Jones filled him in on the information. Not only had there been messages but a local ad that played on all the stations had been found. They didn't understand the significance of that but they were looking into it. Peter nodded asking which ad and wrote it down.

"Anything else you need, Peter?" Jones sounded eager to help.

"Yes, ask forensics if they think the messages could be reversed and if so, send the reversal program with you to the hospital. I'll fill you in when you get there." He heard an assent from Jones and hung up. Peter cursed to himself realizing now what had happened to Neal and himself. He would have never believed that something like this could really happen but now he knew they were just mice in a maze being experimented on but to what means? Neal had obviously not killed himself nor had Peter. They were too strong a personality to really fall completely under the influence of the program but why go to such extremes and who was behind it? He remembered the packaging for the CD at June's and wondered if he could grab it. Maybe it had a sender on it. He hailed a cab (making sure they turned off the radio) and hightailed it back to June's.

Peter felt guilty but he had to get in, so as much as he hated to, he picked the lock. The housekeeper was out or he would have had her let him in. June was at the hospital with El and Neal so he had to do it this way. The door opened and he entered, locking the door behind him as he walked quickly down the hallway, into the foyer and up the stairs to Neal's room. He opened the door and walked over to the table, grabbing the left over packaging. Nothing. The sender's address was missing and Neal's was printed. There was an electronic postage stamp on it so maybe he could go to a post office and have it tracked. He stuffed the package into his pocket and started to turn back towards the door when someone cuffed him across the back of the head.

He slumped to the floor with a loud thud. He felt the coolness of the floor boards beneath his cheek as he lay there. Peter wanted to move but someone pulled his arms back behind him with a clicking that sounded like cuffs. He felt a rag stuffed into his mouth and tape pulled over his lips before he was rolled onto his back.

"Didn't think anyone would figure out what was going on but you're just too damn smart for your own good, Burke." He saw the blurry figure reach into his pocket and pull the packaging out. Another couple of figures came and lifted him up and dragged him into the bathroom. He was lifted up and hung from the pipes overhead, his arms hurting as they were pulled by his weight.

"I believe your wife and the owner of this house are all at the hospital so it will be a while before they find you." The man made a motion and Peter saw one of the figures approach him with a rag. It was pushed up against his nose, a sickly sweet scent filling his nostrils. He struggled weakly, feet hanging a few inches above the floor till he stopped and slumped.

**()()()**

Jones parked in the visitors area of the hospital lot and made his way to the room number Peter had provided him. He had noticed the Taurus parked at the FBI lot but Peter had called him from elsewhere. He tried to puzzle what was going on when he reached the room and knocked on the door. Nobody answered so he pushed the door open slowly, peering inside.

"Peter?" He looked inside to find the room empty, bed sheets strewn aside messily. Neal was supposed to be here but he was missing as was June, El and Peter. He noticed something else, another blanket on the sofa torn and shredded slightly as if someone had played tug-of-war with it and lost. He saw a shattered glass on the floor near the window and noticed the TV on quietly in the background. Jones turned to look at it as a certain ad started to play. That's when he heard the sound.

Jones walked over to the bathroom door across from the bed and pulled at the door to open it. It was locked and he thought he heard a stifled sound from behind the door as if someone had tried to scream and didn't want to be heard. Jones knocked again on the door and spoke clearly.

"Hello? Anyone in there? It's Jones." He heard silence and then slowly a sound as someone unlocked the door and he felt it pushed outwards. Elizabeth peered at him, her hair messy and she looked afraid of something. Jones offered her a hand looking behind her to see another figure following. It was June. They both looked a little worse for wear as if they had been attacked but a few bruises on Elizabeth Burke's arm. It looked like someone had grabbed her tightly.

"Jones? Is Peter with you? He said he would be back soon." El's voice was quiet. She sounded like she could be in shock but he wasn't sure. She just stared at him and he was glad when June came over and hugged the younger woman, walking her out of the room. Jones followed, picking up his cell phone.

"No he's not. I was supposed to meet him here. He said he was going to fill me in on something." He dialed a number and listened to it ring and ring till the voice mail picked up.

"_This is Peter Burke. Leave a message._" Jones waited for the beep and left a brief message asking where he was and then hung up. He helped the two women into a chair in the hallway and sat beside June trying to piece together what had happened.

"Can you tell me what happened? Isn't Neal supposed to be asleep in there?" He saw Elizabeth shake slightly as if thinking of something horrible and saw June give a similar glance although she was calming El down as much as possible.

"Neal... I don't know what happened. He woke up suddenly but he wasn't himself. He grabbed El by the arm. I had to pull her free but he just pushed me aside and tried to grab her again. I couldn't understand what was going on." June's voice was calm but full of hidden emotions as she continued.

"Finally I dragged El into the bathroom with me and locked the door. He just banged on it trying to kick it in but couldn't get in. It was quiet and we heard the door open and close outside but stayed in case he really hadn't left. I know Peter said he had a head injury but I don't see how it would have caused Neal to act like this. He was a totally different person!" She wiped at her eyes, continuing to hug El, both women comforting one another. Jones looked at a loss for words since Peter hadn't really told him much of what was going on. Now he had to worry about Neal running around half cocked and possibly crazed.

"Let me take you both home and I will contact Peter. I'll make sure the hospital staff is aware of Neal's condition. They can handle him while I make sure the both of you are safe." He helped both of them stand up and led them to the first floor and out to his vehicle. He locked them in securely then went back inside and contacted the staff about the situation. Once everything was taken care of, Jones came back out and entered the vehicle.

"I'll drop you off first June, just in case Peter stopped by his house."

**()()()**

Neal heard a voice louder than the others. It was not a nice voice. He didn't want to listen to it but in his current state he was too weak to fight. He wasn't aware of how or why but Neal grasped El's arm tightly. She was struggling against him, his free hand up and ready to slap her hard. June came and pulled his hand free, yanking El away from him. He just knew he had to take Elizabeth Burke somewhere and now. The voice was instructing him to do so as he followed them but found a door between himself and the two women. He hit at it and kicked it and tried to pick at the lock but it wouldn't budge. Finally he just walked out of the room and left, disappearing down the hallway.

When he finally came to, Neal found himself at the entrance to June's house. A cab was pulling away and he stood there confused and unable to remember how he arrived. He walked over to the door and yanked on the knob. It was open. Neal walked inside and made his way to the stairs. There was something he had to do but he wasn't sure what.

"Hello, Neal." A smooth voice like silk spoke from behind him and he turned to see a tall, brown haired man with green eyes looking back at him. He didn't recognize the man but he knew the voice. Neal blinked trying to clear his head but the man's voice seemed to permeate his every thought.

"Don't worry. It will all be over soon. All you need to do is one last task and you'll be free to follow Kate." The man's voice seemed to take all his cares away and make him nod dutifully as he followed the figure up the stairs. He was vaguely aware of two more men walking behind him.

"Who... are you?" He saw the man smile, waving a hand absently. Something gold and familiar glittered on the man's hand and it made the young man's eyes follow it and only it.

"I think you've referred to me as the "_ring_" man? We can keep that as my name for now. It's a shame you couldn't have left with Kate but now you'll be able to follow her without delay. We just need to you to help with one last item and you're free." The man's voice continued to pull Neal further and further into a dream-like state where he just nodded dully and followed him up till they reached his rooms. The "_ring_" man opened the door and walked in with Neal dutifully in tow. The other two men entered, one of them pulling out a small pistol and cocking it. All of them were wearing gloves, the man with the gun handing it to Neal. The young man just looked at it blankly, staring up at the "_ring_" man for confirmation.

"I know you hate guns but it's the only way. Once you've perform this little task, we have a plane waiting for you outside with Kate. You want to see Kate don't you?" The man patted the con on the arm watching as Neal nodded with a stiff shake of his head.

"Good. Now go inside the bathroom and shoot Fowler. He's the one you hate and he's tied up in the shower. Understand?" The "_ring_" man gently nudged Neal towards the bathroom and he nodded, walking as if sleepwalking towards the small room.


	5. Chapter 5

**(Chapter 5)**

Jones parked in front of June's home. The agent walked her to the door, leaving El alone in the car for just a moment.

"I really wish I knew what was going on with Neal. Peter said he had hurt his head but now I'm beginning to wonder if there was something else." She sounded concerned, pulling out her keys. Jones shook his head as she started to unlock the door and paused.

"I have as much information as you do, June. Peter kept me in the dark and was acting rather oddly himse... What's wrong?" He noticed June pushed the door open but hadn't unlocked it yet. Someone had broken in. Jones pulled out his gun and motioned for her to go back to the car with El.

"Stay with Elizabeth. Call the police." He handed her his cell and started inside the mansion.

**()()()**

Jones heard voices upstairs and quietly made his way up the stairs till he reached a light blue door. The voices were louder behind the door and he tried to listen to hear how many there were. Besides the voices he heard what sounded like a radio in the background. The same ad he'd been hearing off and on and had been found on the CD was playing. Jones decided to wait till he heard sirens to break into the room.

"FBI!"

**()()()**

Neal walked into the bathroom of his rooms and closed the door, locking it behind him. He could hear the "_ring_" man's voice speaking to him although the man had already left. The shower radio was playing music.

"_You'll never know just how much I miss you...  
You'll never know just how much I care..._"

Neal opened up the shower door and saw Fowler hanging by his arms from an overhead pipe. He cocked the pistol in his hand thinking of everything that had happened since Fowler had become entangled in his life. Peter and El had been compromised and Neal had lost the only woman he ever loved. Anger filled him as he stepped into the shower and pushed the gun up against the man's chin.

Neal looked at the man wondering what excuse he could make NOT to shoot the man. He hated guns but he had to get rid of this man so he couldn't hurt anyone else. He had his finger on the trigger when he saw something curious. He pulled the wooden shower stool closer and stood up on it to look at the item: Fowler's watch. It wasn't the one he remembered him wearing but looked familiar to him. Who wore a watch like this? He wracked at his brain when he suddenly remembered. Peter. This was Peter's watch. What was Fowler doing with his partner's watch? Neal blinked trying to piece it all together when the scenery started to spin drunkenly and he leaned back against the shower wall to catch himself. He looked back at Fowler's slumped form and saw someone else there, Peter.

"Peter? Peter... how..." He was confused, looking down at the gun in his hand and then back at his friend. Neal dropped the gun to the ground. What was he doing with a gun?

"_That was Alice Faye with "You'll Never Know" here on your only channel for all the classics, WCLS, 90.5 FM..._"

Neal shook his head, trying to clear it as he moved forward to free his friend. He stood up on the stool again and cut his friend down, laying him gently on the shower floor. Peter didn't move, Neal nudging him.

"Peter? Peter wake up!" Neal was shaking the agent gently when he blanked out again. He reached back for the gun and held it to Peter's forehead. His finger was about to pull the trigger when something snapped in him and he dropped the gun, pushing himself away from his friend, expression still dull. Neal leaned back against the shower wall, thrashing slightly as if having some kind of seizure. He closed his eyes tightly; face taut as if in pain.

"No... can't make me... please... stop..." Neal continued to shudder, his hands up and covering his ears. He was speaking in a low, pleading tone.

"Stop... I won't..." Neal felt something cold pressed against his forehead and opened his eyes to see Peter holding the gun on him. The agent's brown eyes were glassy with a very small dot in the middle where the pupil should be. Neal nodded dully.

"Make the voices stop, Peter... please." He saw his friend glance down at him woodenly, hand on the trigger. Peter was shaking slightly, his eyes wet with tears as he seemed to be fighting against something. Neal waited for the shot that would end everything and send him to Kate but instead he felt the gun removed from his skull and the clatter of metal as it fell to the tiled floor. Peter knelt there, his own expression conflicted.

"Neal, the CD... someone... they put messages in it." Peter fell back against the tiled floor, panting as if out of breath. His eyes dilated slightly larger than normal as his head injury took precedence over whatever subliminal messages were around him. Neal's eyes were still no more than small points of black in a sea of blue but he knew his friend was hurt but he felt helpless, his eyes continually turning to the gun that lay between them on the floor as the voices spoke to him. He covered his ears, trying hard to block out the errant thoughts.

"FBI!" Neal heard someone call the words out in the background, making himself move if only a little towards the main bathroom door. There was a scrabbling sound of sudden movement and he heard more shouts.

"POLICE!" Someone had come to rescue them he thought as he slumped on the floor and just lay there. He could still hear the voices murmuring behind his thoughts, pushing at him but he didn't have the strength to respond. He thought he heard the door open and someone touch him gently.

"Caffrey? Caffrey? Man down!" It sounded like Jones. He sensed the agent step around him.

"Peter? Two men down! I need a paramedic!" It was definitely Jones speaking. Neal smiled sleepily to himself as he felt his eyes start to close. Someone was brushing the hair from his face. He looked up and saw Kate there. She smiled at him as he felt himself pass out.

**()()()**

Neal heard music; Familiar music. It was the soundtrack from the other day. At first he felt kind of fearful but then he opened his eyes and looked around. He was back in the loft he had shared with Kate. It looked the way he remembered it only the lights were low and candles were lit around the small apartment. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see her there.

"_Remember this song? It was one of my favorites. We heard it at the park that one night when they had fireworks..._" Her voice trailed off and she pulled him out in the middle of the room and hugged him close. He hugged her back, both of them swaying to the music, her head on his shoulder as they just held each other. Neal noticed shadowy figures in the background peering at them and felt a little chill wash over him. Kate held him closer and whispered in his ear.

"_Don't worry about them. They're leaving. It's just us. Concentrate on us._" She held him tighter and Neal reciprocated as he closed his eyes and just swayed to the music with her.

**()()()**

Peter heard music. It was familiar but he knew it belonged to someone else. He was sitting in a club listening to it and watching people dancing nearby. Shadowy figures surrounded the main area making him slightly nervous till he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"_You look a little thirsty_." He turned and saw El standing there and smiled. She looked beautiful, wearing a glittery blue dress that matched her eyes and complemented her long dark hair.

"I was wondering where you were. I've been waiting but this isn't our song." She nodded, sitting beside him and holding his hand.

"_It's ok. We can sit this out till the set is over._" She smiled sweetly at him, her hand holding his tightly as they just chatted about things.

**()()()**

Peter woke up, looking around him curiously. He was in the hospital, machines beeping quietly in the background. He could still hear soft music as he glanced around and saw a portable CD player in the corner that seemed to be its source. He sat up stiffly with a quiet groan and turned to his right seeing another figure in an adjacent bed. It was Neal. The young man was still unconscious or sleeping, face peaceful and calm looking with a smile softly curving his lips. Peter felt relief at seeing Neal looking so much more relaxed than he had been. The past few days had been one big adventure Peter was happy to forget. That's when it hit him. He listened hard and heard... _silence_. No voices interrupted his thoughts or pushed around in his subconscious anymore. He heard his own idle thoughts merrily churning around but nothing out of the ordinary. Peter lay back against the pillow and felt a sense of ease about him.

"Kate..." Neal's voice was soft but it didn't sound sad. His hands seemed to reach out to someone as Peter watched then he smiled again in his sleep and relaxed. Slowly the young man's eyes opened up and he blinked at the sudden change, looking around the room. Their eyes met at some point and Peter smiled.

"Hey..." He saw Neal blink back at him then smile sleepily with a yawn and reply.

"Peter... What are we doing in the hospital?" Neal looked a bit confused but he sounded far more rational than he had the last time.

"Peace and quiet. Relaxation... don't you feel it?" He saw Neal do a double-take as he seemed to perk up an ear and smile.

"Yeah, I think I know what you mean." Neal smirked slightly, leaning back against his own pillows and letting out a relaxed sigh. Both men finally had a bit of quiet. They just lay there a few minutes in silence, listening to what was left of the CD and Neal let out a quiet sigh. Peter turned and looked at his friend curiously.

"Neal, everything ok?" Peter peered across the space at Neal who just nodded his head.

"I was dreaming about Kate but it was a nice dream. She seemed happy and we were at our old loft." He blushed slightly, wiping at his eyes self-consciously. Peter nodded wanting to go over and comfort the young man but knowing that would just embarrass him more.

"I know what you mean. I was dreaming I was in a club sitting out the set with El. We were just talking about things. She seemed happy." He saw Neal turn and look at him with a slightly guilty expression. Peter was confused by the look about to ask why when Neal responded.

"About Elizabeth... I'm sorry Peter. Really, I..." He paused as the doors opened and El and June walked in. Neal glanced at both women with a guilty expression, averting his eyes and rolling over, his back to the door. Peter just observed the situation curious as to what he had missed during his absence. El walked over with a smile and hugged Peter gently, kissing him on the lips. Whatever had happened she hid it fairly well although he could still see a bit of nervousness in her manner. June walked over and patted Peter on the arm gently in greeting. He smiled back still curious what was going on between Neal and them when he saw something on El's arm and pulled her gently towards him.

"When did you get this?" He had noticed the bruises on her arm, mostly healed now after a couple of days. She rolled her sleeve down and blushed self-consciously. She looked at June who seemed unsure what to say. Peter turned and looked at Neal who had stiffened noticeably from behind. Peter hugged his wife gently, kissing her on the cheek.

"Peter, it's nothing. Really. I'm ok. Right, June?" Elizabeth smiled gently as June nodded, glancing over at Neal who continued to stay turned away from them. Peter looked concerned but El whispered something else.

"Be nice Peter. It was an accident." She kept her voice low, hugging him and brushing at his hair. He finally consented, but his eyes continued to peer at his friend curiously. He really wanted to know what had happened but it would have to wait apparently. He saw June excuse herself and move over towards Neal. The young man jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and turned. He looked guilty, face flushed red as he wiped at his eyes. He looked like he had been crying. June hugged him from behind and moved around to face him, her eyes looking across to the Burkes.

"Neal, look at me..." June's voice was soft but firm like a mother to an errant child as she whispered to him. Neal finally moved his eyes up to look at hers but it was obvious he felt guilty about what had happened before. She smiled kindly at him, her eyes soft as they stared into his.

"That wasn't you. You were not present when what happened, happened. You understand?" Neal blinked at her, eyes wet, a tear rolling down his cheek. She reached out and wiped it with her finger and held his hand. Neal finally nodded, trying not to blush so much. June continued to hold his hand, looking up suddenly. Neal turned to see Elizabeth Burke standing just behind him. His manner turned nervous again, wiping at his eyes as he tried to act normal. June moved away as El stood there and looked at Neal with a slight blush.

"You look like you're feeling better." Her voice was quiet but sincere. She seemed a bit nervous. Neal nodded, unsure of what to say, his eyes moving down to her arm. He touched her hand gently, his eyes looking at hers as he rolled up her sleeve.

"I'm sorry, El." She just looked at him and sniffed slightly, shaking her head.

"You didn't do this. Someone else did. You would have stopped them if you could." She patted his hand gently and hugged him, kissing his forehead. Neal hugged her back tightly.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there." She pulled away and peered at him. There was a smile on her face.

"You're here now, right?" He nodded smiling back. There was a cough from behind her and everyone turned.

"I think we should celebrate everyone being where they're supposed to be. Who's for coffee?" Peter's voice was enthusiastic but El made a face.

"I don't think the doctor wants you to have coffee, honey. Too much of a stimulant. How about some water?" She walked over to the table and grabbed a glass and filled it with water, bringing it to him. Peter made a face.

"This isn't going to wake me up." He took the proffered glass with a pout and took a sip but he looked unhappy. El gave Peter a little squeeze.

"I think you should get him some coffee, El. We don't want him muttering to himself." Neal smirked over at the agent who just muttered softly.

"Do not meddle in the coffee consumption of Federal agents, for they are subtle and quick to anger without it."

**(The End)**


	6. Epilogue

**(Epilogue)**

The two agents who were caught in June's house knew nothing of the "_ring_" man. It seemed that they were under similar hypnotic suggestion only knowing they were following orders but not remembering from who. Neither Neal nor Peter could remember what he looked like. Whatever had been done to them had been reversed but that memory had been deleted in the process when forensics made the new CD.

Several weeks passed and Neal seemed more his old self although now he seemed a bit more quiet than usual. Peter figured he knew why but didn't want to pry into the young man's affairs unless he asked. El had recovered more or less from the ordeal but seemed sad that Neal didn't come over as much as he used to. When Peter would mention an invitation to dinner, Neal would find an excuse not to come over when in the past he was always glad to crash at their pad for food. June would visit with El occasionally both of them hoping Neal would get over whatever it was that kept him from visiting the Burke's home.

Neal had gotten into the habit of disappearing just before it was time to go home so that Peter couldn't give him a ride in the Taurus. Unless it was a late night gig, Neal didn't hang around the office much and would disappear at lunch time only to show up on time after wards. He avoided Peter for rides to and from work and at lunch so there was definitely something bothering the young man.

It was one Friday not too long after Peter had figured out Neal's little avoidance tactics that he figured he'd try a few tricks of his own. He made as if he were going for coffee in the break room but put on his coat and left early, dashing down the stairs to the lobby below. He sat in the waiting area and pulled out a newspaper and waited for Neal to come by. It wasn't long before the con showed up and Peter followed him, giving the young man a small lead. Once they were outside and around the block, Peter caught up to his friend and tapped him on the shoulder. Neal nearly jumped out of his shoes as he turned and looked to see who was there.

"Peter? What are you doing here? I thought you were getting coffee..." His voice trailed off almost guiltily which made Peter grin ever so slightly though he got no satisfaction in being right this time. He took his friend's arm and turned him around back towards the FBI offices.

"We need to talk." Neal pulled back slightly against Peter's grasp but when he saw the look on the agent's face he gave a helpless shrug and nodded. They walked back in silence, Neal looking at the ground and Peter glancing over at his friend occasionally. Neal looked like he was thinking about something serious.

"El's making lamb chops tonight." Neal looked up and turned, his expression curious.

"Yeah? With that sauce..." Peter nodded at him.

"And the stuffing on the side?" Peter nodded at him again with a grin. Neal looked conflicted, his blue eyes thoughtful again with just a hint of doubt maybe.

"That sounds delicious." Neal left it at that, his body language indicating he was still doubtful about something. He pushed his hands into his pockets and continued walking with Peter till they made it to the garage. He paused making Peter turn and look at him curiously.

"Let me give you a lift home. No tricks. If you don't want to come for dinner, I'm not going to force you. El would love it though. She keeps asking about you." Peter had pulled out his keys and was turning to walk to the car when Neal grabbed his arm. Peter turned back.

"El's asked about me?" Neal averted his eyes just enough to express how much he still felt guilty for what had happened almost a month ago. El had finally confessed to Peter what had happened in his absence not wanting her husband to go off the deep end and think Neal had tried to hurt her. He hadn't. It had been whatever programming the "_ring_" man had sent with the CD. Peter knew all too well what that programming was and held no grudge against the young man for anything that had occurred. They had all but vowed silence to what had happened between the both of them not wanting to cause any further harm to Neal's parole and Peter's career. Nobody had been themselves that week and it was best to just let sleeping dogs lie in this case. Still, the idea of Neal with a gun and trying to hurt El must have bothered the young man to no end because he still couldn't bear to face either of them for long periods of time. June had mentioned he kept to himself more than he had in the past. She understood why, but it hurt her to think he didn't trust himself with his friends anymore.

Peter felt Neal's grasp loosen and the young man look back at him with a chagrined look.

"I'm sorry, Peter. I know I haven't been around but... I just didn't trust myself. I kept wondering if the "_voices_" would return and I couldn't bear it if I hurt any of you... again. You understand, right?" Neal seemed like he was asking for forgiveness though it wasn't necessary but Peter acquiesced.

"Neal, you know I'd forgive you if it was necessary but I don't need to because, it wasn't you who did those things. You know that right? We weren't ourselves during that week. Anything that happened is forgotten. Got it?" Neal nodded at Peter's words smilingly slightly for the first time in a while. Peter hugged the young man gently, smiling at him and punching him playfully in the shoulder.

"So we let bygones be bygones? We clean the slate of what happened?" Neal nodded to Peter with a larger grin, punching the agent back. Peter made a sarcastic rub of his shoulder making the young man blink worriedly.

"Did you just assault a Federal Agent, Mr. Caffrey?" He winked at Neal who just rolled his eyes and walked with Peter to the car.

"Geesh, like you didn't just assault me with that weak punch?" Neal's voice dripped with sarcasm. Peter paused and grinned broadly at the young man.

"You daring me to hit you harder?" Peter's eyes held a playful gleam. Neal held up his hands in mock fear.

"I'll tell El on you. She'll protect me." He stuck out his tongue at the agent who just smiled back.

"Well see about that. Now, do you need to stop by June's for anything or straight to dinner?" Peter unlocked the car and they both slipped inside. Neal scratched at his chin.

"Would it be possible to invite June for dinner? I'm sure she'd love to have some of El's lamb chops."  
**  
(now it's the real THE END) ;P**


End file.
